It's Been A While

That is coincidentally the name of an awesome song by an awesome band, Staind. You should totally check it out. 

Anyway... yes, it has been a while hasn't it. A lot of stuff has happened since my last post. OK it's not that a lot has happened, but a few important things.

The most important one being the deterioration of my dad's health. He's very ill. I want to make a separate post purely dedicated to his condition and illness, because I feel like he deserves his own post. This post is just an update of what's happening in my life right now. He's very weak, and honestly we don't know how long he has left. It's doubtful he'll get better. And I'm not going to sit here and pray to a god I don't believe in for a miracle to happen. I don't want him to be in pain any more. It's an incredibly difficult time for my family, and of course for him. It's an evil evil situation.

And not to mention the timing. He went into hospital last week, in the middle of my A levels. This might sound selfish to you, but I'm worried about my grades. Now obviously my father means more to me than a few letters on a piece of paper, but I know that he would want the best for me. And I want to make him proud. But trying to concentrate on studying when your father is terminally ill is not an easy thing. I want to spend every minute of every day by his bedside, but I can't until my exams are over in 4 days, and I don't know whether he'll live that long. I'm so exhausted, both mentally and physically. I cry myself to sleep at night, because thinking of my dad in pain is so, so heartbreaking for me. I'm aching all over. My anxiety is acting up. I'm stressed out. 

It's such a horrible horrible situation. My dad does not deserve the suffering he has gone through. As I said, I'm going to write a whole post dedicated just to him, and it won't be the last one. I'm hoping I can draw some awareness to the disease he's suffered from for the past 7 years, a disease called Primary Progressive Aphasia. It's a very rare form of dementia that affects under 65s, generally. This isn't why he is in hospital now; well, not directly. In the later stages of dementia, the body's immune system starts to break down, so they are more prone to infection. That's what is killing him. But I am appalled at the lack of support we've had from the government and the medical profession. There is almost zero research into this disease. It's sickening. And my dad is too young to be suffering from dementia. It's tragic. 

For now, we can just hope that his pain isn't prolonged. Obviously, the selfish side of me wants him to hang on for a while longer, so I can spend full days with him. But that would be cruel. I can't imagine his suffering. 

Fatspo vs. Thinspo?

So I was browsing Tumblr recently - as I do... a lot - and I came across this picture.

This picture, as you can see, says "Fuck your Thinspo". For those of you who don't know what thinspo, it's short for "thinspiration" - i.e. a group of people on Tumblr (or the whole internet, but let's just say Tumblr) who approve of being thin/skinny, and post/reblog pictures of very tiny ladies on their blogs. I'll give you an example. If I search "thinspo", the first picture that comes up with the tag is the following:

As you can see, she's tiny. 

Another equivalent to thinspiration is "pro-ana". I.e. people in favour of eating tiny tiny amounts of food, and/or exercising crazy amounts, to maintain a figure like the above. So they are, in essence, promoting eating disorders, like anorexia and bulimia. The number of these blogs is absolutely crazy. 

However, on the other hand... you got fatspo, or fatspiration. This is the same concept, but instead of promoting thinness, it's promoting fatness, and even obesity. I couldn't find many blogs under "fatspo", however, I did find a couple of blogs where very big women submit pictures of themselves, erm, naked. Now, whatever, they do what they like, but what disturbed me was that at the top of the blog it said "if you're not fat, get out". 

There is obviously "rivalry" between the two sides, as shown by the top photo. But why is it healthier to promote junk food, than to promote thinness? Both are as bad as each other. I find the top photo completely disturbing. It's pretty scary the severity of both extremes. 

Luckily, however, there is an intermediate. Fitspiration, or fitspo. A movement on tumblr which promotes HEALTHY living - eating clean but enough to be healthy, and exercising. Posts which help motivate people, like myself, to live a healthy life and feel good about themselves.

In the battle of the "spos", fitspo wins, hands down.

Film Review: Abduction (Taylor Lautner)

Just finished watching Taylor Lautner’s solo debut “Abduction”, and can safely say: not impressed.

There are several scenes which made me go WTF?! For starters, when the Serbian black ops guy hacks into Nathan’s webcam, the little light next to the webcam clearly turns on. Wouldn't you notice if you were staring at the screen that your f***ing webcam was suddenly on? I guess maybe Taylor was too busy staring at his own reflection on his screen. Can’t blame him.

At one point Nathan’s love interest, Karen (who by the way is rocking two massive caterpillars on her forehead for eyebrows - Scouse brow much?) has duct-tape over her mouth and is firmly tied with her arms above her head to a metal pole on a table or something, aboard a long-distance train headed towards  Nebraska. She knocks a glass onto the floor by squirming around like a little bitch, and the glass smashes. She then is seen struggling to get the glass even though both her hands are tied – so it’s basically physically impossible for her to reach the glass and cut herself free. Even if she did reach it with her feet, could she really pick it up and bend her legs to such an extent as to cut the rope? You’d think not. But the scene flicks and then miraculously she turns up in the next room to meet her beau, free as a bird. What a talent! Must be the modern Houdini. And as usual, the pretty girl gets threatened to be shot or have her fingers cut off by the evil Serbian, but nooooo that never happens! She escapes without the slightest bruise or scratch, even after being punched in the face by a 250 pound Serbian gangster. Seems legit. 

That’s not the only time Karen pisses me off. In one scene, when they’re on the flee from the CIA and the evil Russians, she decides to pick up the phone and call her uncle. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! Does she not know what phone tapping is? Does she not remember they're being hunted? My god.

The CIA agents are no better. When they eventually find the runaways, Nathan and Karen, along the road, instead of taking them some place undercover, like an abandoned warehouse or some shit, they take them to a diner, and sit them down RIGHT by the f***ing window, which is bloody huge and you can see in to it from a mile away. So no doubt the baddies find them easily and shoot all their agents dead. Then as Nathan is driving away from the scene in the car, the main CIA dude aims the gun at Nathan’s car. Wait what?! I thought you wanted him alive, you moron!

Taylor’s acting is not great either. When he wakes up “crying” you can tell he's had fake tears dropped into his eyes to do the job for him. Nobody has that much liquid flowing from their eyes unless they have conjunctivitis. He’s good in the fighting scenes, sure, and kudos for being able to do all that ninja fly-kicking shit, but for anything which requires emotions? Nah. Sorry. Take my advice Taylor, you are filthy rich and need never work again. So now Twilight's over, just quit and save yourself the embarrassment. 

Rating: 3/10 

(the fight scenes were mildly entertaining, as were Lautner's biceps)

I highly recommend you do not waste your time with this film. Unless, like me, you're stuck in bed with the flu and have nothing better to do with your life. 

(Fun fact: Lautner actually won an award for "Worst Actor" for this film. So it's not just my fluish delirium that is causing me to be bitter). 

20, the new 40?!

Almost every time I tell someone at college that I'm taking a gap year, I get a seemingly negative response. People will ask me why. "Why would you wanna do that? Surely you just want to get uni over and done with?" or even better "But that means you'll be OLD when you start university!!!"

Yes, that's right. Because 20 is old. 

There seems to be an obsession with age in this country, and an equal obsession with seeing university, or education in general, as an obstacle in one's path towards a career, as something preventing you from living, something which should just be done and dusted, swept under the carpet so we can move on with the most important part: earning money. 

From what I've experienced, this is a very British, and modern, outlook. In 2010 I started college, choosing IB over A levels (I'll write about my experience in another post some time- I have quite a lot to say on the topic). In August the following year, just before starting my second year, I decided I couldn't do it any more. And so in September, I started A levels from scratch. That makes me a year older than I "should be". Big deal, right? Wrong. Apparently, the fact I'll have turned 19 by the time my A2 year ends is horrific. People have genuinely asked me whether I feel out of place in my classes because of my age. Sorry...what? I'm one year older, not 20 years older!!! Why should I feel any different?

In many countries, finishing school at 19 is pretty common. In Spain, if your grades at the end of the year are not good enough, you have to retake the year (this is called repetición del año). So this means, theoretically, a person graduating from a school in Spain could be aged from 18 to in their mid-20s. In Germany, until recently, all Abitur (German equivalent of A levels) students graduated at age 19, after 13 school years instead of 12. This is the same in some other European countries. So what is this obsession we have in this country with finishing school at 18, and going straight on to uni? 

As I said at the beginning of this entry, taking a gap year seems to remain a taboo in the UK. Teenagers are worried they'll be too old when they start university. I really think this reasoning is pathetic. Do you honestly think students go around during Fresher's Week asking how old you are, and if you're above 19 they say "sorry, we can't be friends. You're too OLD."? Come on. In many countries, people don't go on to start university until their early 20s. In fact, in some countries, it's recommended to take time out beforehand, to do voluntary work or military service, which act as a transition stage from the immaturity of a recent school child (let's be honest, no 18 year old can holistically be classed as an "adult") to someone with enough maturity  to start a degree.

I think people need to change their attitude to age in this country. After all, it's just a number. (or as a friend once pointed out... it's actually a word!)

50 Randoms.

1. What is your mum's name? Katerina.


2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? On my left shoulder. Right under my bra strap.


3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? He wasn't exactly "hot", but I had a huge crush on my secondary school Music teacher. He was just so... cool. I think he's comparable to Mr Schu from Glee. He had the whole sleeveless jumper look going on. He was also left-handed.


4. Have you ever made out in a movie theatre? Yep.


5. What body part do I wash first? My face.


6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? Only if they're really nasty.


7. What's the strangest talent you have? I'll get back to you on that one...


8. Do you have an innie or an outie? Innie.


9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? Sour cream and chive. Stop making me drool.


10. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be? Erm... this just got weird.


11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? Probably shouting. But I'm 18, so it's been a while since I've been properly "grounded".


12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? I can't drive :(


13. Have you ever had two dates in one night? Haha! That's funny.


14. How many times have you been cussed out? Not very often actually. Quite happy about that!


15. Which shoe do you put on first? Left one always. It feels wrong otherwise.


16. For some reason there is no 16.


17. Have you ever been to a gay bar? Yes. It was a... unique experience!


18. Girls... are not meant to be understood by guys! And vice versa.


19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? I can't actually think of anything! This is a hard question. I'll come back to it.


20. Did you French kiss before you were 16? Nope. I was 16.


21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? I have no idea what either of those are.


22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? It varies depending on what has happened earlier on in the day.


23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Yes, once. I was 14 and very confused.


24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? Eww... erm bed sheets. Nothing worse than a damp-smelling towel.


25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable? Not really. My parents are divorced though.


26. What was your childhood nickname? "Helly" for the most part, and "Ele" during my time in Spain. Nothing special.


27. When is the last time you played the air guitar? At a party.


28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? Haha only when the door was wide open at the gym once. I was curious ok!


29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving? See answer to question 12.


30. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Oh god...


31. How do you eat your cookie? With my teeth, generally.


32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? Haha wut? No...?


33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others. I think we both know the answer to that.


36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? A few of glasses of vodka or gin mixed with something and I'm gone. I'm talking glasses though, not shots. I'm quite resistant.


(there is no 34 or 35 :S)


37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt? ...no. Have you?


38. How often do you clean out your ears? Every morning.


39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Depends how much of a hurry I'm in.


40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie? Lol there isn't a concrete figure.


41. Do you have any strange phobias? Weirdest one: phone calls. It's just something I've always not been fully comfortable with. Apart from that, clowns. And a swarm of insects crawling over me while I sleep. Shudder.


42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Not that I recall. Maybe a pencil.


43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? Dance like a twat?


44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? I was once dared to draw caricatures of all my teachers. I got in a lot of trouble.


45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name? Haha no.


46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date? Nope. I'm not exactly a frequent dater fyi.


47. Have you ever played naked Twister? Nope.


48. Have you ever been drunk at work? Well I don't work, but I haven't been drunk at school either.


49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive? No.


50. Do you want to bring sexy back? I wasn't aware sexy ever left.



Hope you found this mildly entertaining!











Source: http://jaggy732.blogspot.co.uk/2007/01/50-random-questions.html

A new leaf?!

We've all done it.

What's that, you may ask? I'm talking about dieting. We've all woken up feeling like crap, looked in the mirror, poked at our fat bits, and then, with a wave of motivation, we've said to ourselves "Right, tomorrow (note it's never today!) I'm turning over a new leaf".

This bout of motivation lasts a while. But it never lasts long enough. The longest time it's lasted me is a month. 

I'm writing this blog because I am sick to death of starting these diets and new exercise regimes, and never, ever sticking to them. The last time I started one was in August, just after returning from a holiday. I looked at my holiday photos and thought "God, do I really look like that?". 

Anyway, this time my motivation lasted around a month, maybe 5 weeks. My diet was excellent. I was eating around 1300 calories a day, low-carb, high-protein, and exercising 5 or 6 days a week. After around 3 weeks to 4 weeks I started seeing noticeable results. 

So what did I do? I started slacking. The little devil on my shoulder (scumbag!) was like "Yes you've done so well, you can stop for a day or two!". But it was more than a day :(

So today I realised something. This could go on forever. And that thought really scares me. Why should I constantly be worrying about my weight and feeling like crap? I have my whole future ahead of me, I have more important things to be thinking about - university, boyfriends, careers, friends... Why worry about this bullshit?! 

I need to change my attitude. I need to stop seeing food as a treat for when I do something good. If I lose weight, I shouldn't reward myself with a bar of chocolate, I should buy myself a new DVD, or a cute pair of underwear, or get my hair cut! Something which makes me happy without putting my health in jeopardy. 

And the same goes for exercise. Exercise shouldn't be seen as a chore! Exercise is a marvellous thing. It releases hormones into your bloodstream that make you feel good - an instant high. It also keeps your heart and bones healthy, preventing cardiac diseases and bone diseases, such as osteoporosis. It isn't just about staying trim. It's about staying healthy and happy. Who doesn't want to be a happy, lively, energetic, strong person? 

The point of this blog isn't solely going to be my diet and exercise regime. That would be a mistake. See, that's what I've always done in the past. I've created a blog or a diary which focuses solely on what I've eaten that day and how many calories I've burned. I haven't focused on how good I feel that day, or how tired I feel, or how productive I've been.

So no, this blog is going to be more than that. It's going to be a blog of my life. And although it is being written for  myself, it would also feel just as good if I knew I was inspiring others in any way. I dunno, this might not even be read by anyone.

But as for me, I am sitting here typing this whilst listening to Wash Away by Joe Purdy, feeling tired, slightly sad, but at the same time thinking to myself, it's all gonna be OK.